dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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