ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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