My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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