you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
