Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
