Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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