I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize