literally had 100 drinks last night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
