The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
