Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
