Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
