my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
