You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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