im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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