I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
