Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
