I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
