Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
