She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
