Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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