my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize