Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
