Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
