A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there's paper in my vomit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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