@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize