i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
