I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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