Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
