my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
