Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
