Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
