how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
