you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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