you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My vagina is officially offended.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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