It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
