i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
