I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
