I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
