apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
