You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm both gender and math confused
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
