oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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