i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
