4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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