If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
