Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
