I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
