You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
