My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
