u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
