You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
