"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
