Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
