have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
