Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
