I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jerry, you need to find god
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
