I'm lost and stupid without you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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