Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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