i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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