yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
