There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
