I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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