they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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