I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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