So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize