1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
