my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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