Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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